I thank each and everyone of you for your support and your cheerleading for those pesky last 10 pounds.
As I reflected over the last couple of days about my tierdness and my lack of wanting to do anything (I haven't even started my Christmas shopping), I started to get very overwhelmed. The knot in my stomach is very painful :-)
You see my dear friends, me setting this goal has alot behind it and I finally came to terms with the fact that I am focusing on this weight because it's keeping me from coming to terms with how hard it is for me around the holidays. I think this was a way to keep my mind distracted and away from the fact that I will be spending yet another Christmas without my dad. There I said it.
I can wrap myself around the weight loss and keep going strong and in the end I have a feeling that I am going to crash and burn, I am already feeling the pressure.
Do I want to go into Christmas with the feeling that I am a failure, or do I want to just keep going the way I am going even if it means staying at the weight I have been for the last 4 months.
I can say that I am happy with the way I look, I am happy that I have turned my life around and put myself first.
My friends keep telling me that I am already a success, why does that number matter to me so much. My body is happy with where it is, so why am I not. Why do I feel by writting this post that it's a cop out? I guess only I can answer that question.
I need to come to terms with what I really want. I need to admit that I am still mourning and that I am not made of steel. I need to embrace my family trying to fill the empty gap that I feel and just let the warmth of the season embrace me and not worry about whether or not I'm going to fail, because I already feel like I have succeeded.
So I guess what I am trying to say is I'm taking the holiday season to be with my family, to show my kids the spirt of Christmas, to gather around the Christmas table (for which I am cooking, that's a whole other stress) and be happy for what I have and what I have accomplished, not a weight that is going to seriously consume and take away from what is really important.
I will continue to work hard just like I have over the months, I have a 5km run next week and between all the craziness of Christmas I will do my best to keep up with what I have been doing everyday. I am going to continue to track and continue to work out, it's just not going to have an insane amount of pressure attached to it.
Thank you for letting me get this out, I haven't even started my Christmas shopping, this goal of mine (very untimely I may add) has consumed me and I needed to change it, needed to take the pressure off.
I really don't know what my new goal will be, I am sorry to disappoint, but I am not in a very good place right now, taking this pressure off will allow me to come to terms with my feelings and allow me to continue on and try to make a great Christmas for my kids.
That being said I am going to take a few days off from blogging, to wrap my head around it all and to come back full force. Right now I feel that I have disappointed, and I know deep down that it isn't true.
Syl will return when I'm in a happy place again :-)
Thanks for listening.
26 comments:
You are never a disappointment.
You are in this for you and only you.. you hear me????
We will support you in whatever goals you have...
We will support you through all the tears and heartache.
It is completely normal to still be mourning.
Your dad is important to you.
Do something to honour him this season. He is proud of you.
Syl, you are one of the most inspirational people I "know". Please don't think you have disappointed anyone! You have to take care of yourself, first and foremost. *hugs*
Syl ... I'm gonna be real honest and straight forward with you right now ... Ready??
I think this number goal that you have set for yourself is going to slowly drive you insane (and it sounds like it already is). It is just a number and nothing more. You look great, and have for quite some time. I think you are right to completely back off the pressure you are putting on yourself and just enjoy the weight you are at. And here's the real honest part ... I've thought this for a while but didn't want to say it to you. I was just hoping that the pressure wouldn't get to you and of course I was hoping too that you'd get to your # goal.
Goals are great, goals are awesome and we all need them. I still think your 130 goal is completely attainable and I TRULY believe you will get there ... one day. But by putting this deadline date to it you are just setting yourself up for frustration. Especially at this time of year where there are things that are so much more important, like family and friends.
Keep on your healthy path, keep exercising, keep eating healthy - just drop the deadline and let it be what it will be.
And once again ... you could NEVER disappoint Syl. This is YOUR journey and it's all your choice.
I don't think that it is a disappointment at all. You have just proven that you are a real person, that is all. I think it is really brave that you are able to analyze why you are so focused on this goal and to realize that you need to face your grief head-on. That is a hard, hard thing to do!
You are a real person who has a been, and will continue to be, a real inspiration.
Take time for you - take time for your family.
We'll be here when you're ready.
Hugs.
The holidays are a stressful enough time without the family issues that are weighing you down and the completely unnecessary stress of a time-imposed weight goal.
Step back and look at the big picture, Syl. This needs to be a lifelong journey for you. You've got the rest of your life to lose that last 10, so by my math (and please kind in mind that my math is almost always just a wee bit spot), all you need to lose is .001287 pounds per month in order to die at your goal weight. That's a cinch!
All kidding aside, I hope you find some peace this holiday season and come to terms with your loss. I just hope you won't let all these dark clouds overshadow the amazing accomplishments you've achieved this year.
Take care, Syl. I wish you every happiness.
You are NOT a disappointment to ANY SINGLE PERSON WHO READS THIS!
You have to know that the inspiration you provide to someone like me is such a blessing from God.
Your family is so proud of what you've done..and I'm sure your Dad is as well. Missing him is normal and natural and NOTHING to feel like a disappoint about.
Know you are loved and will be missed but never far from your blogger friends hearts and minds
*HUG*
(((HUGS)))
Christina
You definitely do not want to go into Christmas feeling like a failure. Not to sound like a broken record but you are already a success. You are at a healthy weight. A weight that you have proven you can maintain. You look awesome, you eat well and you're active.
All these things should help you to feel good and right about your decision to keep going the way you have been. What you have been doing is great.
Enjoy the Christmas season with your family. If you really want to get to that goal weight, give it another shot in the new year. Do it in a way that doesn't have a serious deadline attached to it and see if your body wants to go there. If it does, great. If it doesn't, you're still in an amazing place.
It's just a number. It's good that you know there are way more important things in life than a number.
I'm really proud of you Syl. You continue to show all of us what it means to be a whole human being.
Enjoy your break from blogging if that is what you need. We'll miss you but we'll live! We'll all looking forward to seeing you again when you're ready to come back!
aww, Sly! I'm am so sorry that you feel this way. Thank you for having the courage to be honest with us and share what is truly eating you up inside.
Breaks are good, but I'll sure miss your dailies. Sly, you have been a huge encouragement to me, but I'm glad you'll be taking the time off to re-group and be with you family. Can't wait until you're back!
You are so far from a disappointment and I'm truely saddened that you feel that way.
Like you always tell me, chin up girl. A number is just that. I'm already setting myself up to not make my goal by my deadline just because I see how hard it is for all of you so close to goal. That doesn't mean I'll work any less towards it though. I'll get as close as I can and try not to let it stress me out. I hope you do the same.
I will miss you in your time off but I totally understand the need. Take care girl. You won't REALLY ruin anyone's Christmas silly!
You are never - have never - and will never be a disappointment. EVER.
I can understand how you might feel that way - but the truth is, like jack said - you've got so much time to hit that goal. And what then? What happens when you hit that magical goal weight? What happens then?
You are an amazing woman, Syl. One who has turned her life around to such a positive avenue. One who is adored by all of us, and even more so by your family. And one who is LOVED.
Your father is an important person to you, and always has been/will be. Grief is neverending - it waxes and wanes, and you can't escape it (as you've discovered).
When you are ready, we are all here for you. We are all listening and waiting with open arms. We will support you, we will listen to you, we will bring you up when you are down.
No doubt, your father is very, VERY proud of you and all that you have accomplished. What would he say to you now? Would he think you were a disappointment?
I doubt it. He would give you a hug, and tell you that you are not.
And you aren't.
((hugs))
we'll be here for you when you come back!
Silly girl! How could you ever be a disappointment to yourself and to us? You're a winner! You've come so far already.
What Jack says is true: this is a lifelong journey for all of us here. Take the pressure of for the rest of this year and go on where you left in January. Keep on working out and get your focus off your weight.
Enjoy the spirit of Christmas. I know how you feel. On Christmas day my mom is coming over for dinner but there is again that empty seat where my Dad was supposed to sit. But even though he's not with us in person he will be there in our hearts and so will your Dad.
Take it easy sweety, no guilt. You're a great, sweet, loving person. Make December a happy month!
xxx
You sure are a winner, look at how far you've already come...this is a life time journey...you will get to your goal when your body is ready - now take the time to look after yourself and come back to blogging once you've got your head around things..
The scale isn't the only thing that shows your successes.
We are all human and all need some time to ourselves sometimes.
We need it and totally deserve it!
Take your time, think things through, make a plan and come back when you are ready.
We will be here :)
You are more than just a number. Do not ever let the number define you. This is a hard lesson. I struggle with it every day. The more I repeat those words, the more I believe them. It's a process and you have flourished.
The number you have chosen is just as you said, a way of avoiding the real issue, which is mourning your father.
I don't know you or your father but it seems to me that you had a special relationship and the last thing he would want would be for you to turn yourself into knots.
Everyone here has said it already. Honour him this season. Your reclaiming your health and getting fit and running is how you have honoured him every day.
Your husband and kids support and love you. Focus on having a holiday that creates memories and fosters love in your family. You will make your father proud and your kids will remember it.
You are wonderful and disappoint no one.
Stess does nasty things to a body and even worse things to a mind. You've made great strides and already successful, but you're maybe too close to the situation to see it.
Holidays are a wonderful time of year when things in life are in a good place and as close to perfect. When you factor in loss and the hurt of that loss and missing a loved one, the holidays are not the easy flow depicted in a Hallmark card commercial.
Remember that a number is just a number. It doesn't define you as a person or the wonderful attributes you offer to those that love you.
Take care and try to take a little time to appreciate yourself.
Syl, I have followed your blog for a while - I follow a few but yours is my favourite! I have never left you a comment but have to today because I have been worried about the amount of pressure you have been putting on yourself to lose these last 10 lbs. So I really just wanted to say that I think you have made the best decision today to focus on your family and not be ruled by the number on the scale and I really admire you for that.
This will be my third Christmas without my mother - my children are 9, 7 and 5 - so I know how hard it is. But I try and make it a nice time for us all. That is what she would have wanted.
And do you know what? Because of you I have got myself the Jillian Michaels DVD (we'd never heard of her here in the UK!), joined a new gym and got myself a personal trainer and am losing weight and getting fitter. I've been reading your blog thinking "what does she need to lose 10 lbs for - she looks great and she can run 10k!" Yours is already a success story! You have been and continue to be an inspiration and a source of enjoyment to me.
I wish you happiness and comfort.
You deserve it!
We all love you, Syl. Take care of you. ♥♥
I totally understand what you are saying!! I have been going through the same thing myself. For months I've been trying to lose 2lbs so I can reach 100lbs and I got so frustrated and felt like a failure. I just reached the 100lb mark last week because stopped putting the pressure on myself.
You have done awesome!
You're an amazing inspiration to all of us. I have heard you referred to by several people as the "cheerleader of the blogging world". You have done so much to encourage and help others. Take the time to focus on yourself and your family. Why worry about the weight? YOU are already a terrific, healthy example of a successful woman. The holidays should be a time of joy. I'm hoping you'll find that joy and the peace you deserve. Take care Syl, we are all here for you.
We will miss you those couple of days but I am so glad that you are taking time off to get your head straight. The holidays are always tough when a loved one is missing. You are so inspirational and don't you dare for a second think you are a disappointment. We will all be here for you when you come back :-)
just found your blog and wanted to say what an amazing transformation you have had! AMAZING!
Oh Syl, I'm so glad to be back and reading your blog. You are amazing and I'm so glad you are a real person who lets life "get in the way" and who listens to her inner voices. So many don't. You take care of yourself. Keep up with that goal of making others happy and you will get through these tough days. Nine years later and I still can't make it through this time of year without feeling a twinge that it would be better if my mom was here. That's ok. So do something great to remember your dad....:)
Awe, Miss Syl...you will be alright! Hang in there.
You are such an inspiration to so many! WE are all here for you. Never feel like a disappointment, because you have acheived goals most people can only dream of :)
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